Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
