Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
