My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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