In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
