I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
