wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
