but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
