ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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