Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
