He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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