Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
