apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
