no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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