How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
