forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm passing your future prison.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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