Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
These tits shall not be calmed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
