I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
