tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
