Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
