What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize