awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
