So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
