i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
