Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
