Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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