laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
