As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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