Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
