If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
