Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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