so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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