This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
