i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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