My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
