Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
