dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
