omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
