walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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