my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
