I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
