Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize