Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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