My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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