I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize