oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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