Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
