I heard we made out
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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