K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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