Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
