Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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