Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
