Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
