I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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