I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
