i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
