um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
