I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
