Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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