i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So vagazzling was a success
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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