I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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