I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My pussy is not your playground.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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