If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
