Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
