i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize