Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
