Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
