Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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