Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
