get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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