I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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